There is always so much to take in and process. It takes time. Time that is woven throughout our regular daily life. Time to pray and linger over the Word in order to put the pieces together. It comes in stages — like waves and here is one area of thought...
The Lord is distilling my motive to serve in Haiti. I confess that when I set to do good — evil is close at hand. I'm often so doubly minded. (I'm sure I don't know the half of it.) A sense of dual purpose when surrendering to the Lord isn't really surrender. I know this and yet I'm always learning.
While cruising around Haiti or spending time at the Center I saw something new. I saw my impoverished state. The essence of poverty is broken fellowship with God. Physical and spiritual destitution is a result of the Fall. Their situation and mine aren't so different. We are human together. Humans in desperate need for a Savior. Apart from Jesus - I am totally depraved. Totally. Completely and utterly poor. Helpless. Poverty then is not attractive or adventuresome.
I must admit that from the States it has a "good" (maybe even a prideful and naive) ring to it, "Helping the poor." However, the reality of fighting injustice is hard, (and a whole bunch more adjectives) uncomfortable, fierce, messy, overwhelming and exhausting...UNLESS He is the Supply. He alone makes it possible, rewarding and even beautiful!
My Dad loved his garden. He was there every chance he got. Every year he planned, labored and enjoyed his work. And I loved my Dad. I liked being with him and always knew where to find him. I learned to love what he loved so that it enhanced my enjoyment of him. Early I would find him in his little oasis.
Similarly, my God lives and loves in certain places. His Word tells me where to find Him and how to delight in Him. He's working in the garden; bringing whole restoration - SHALOM. He's planned, labored and enjoying His Kingdom through the finished work of Jesus.
Towards the end of the trip and since we've been home - I see Him in Haiti. Like I see Him in His creation: the church, the galaxies, the ocean, my children, my husband, a growing family, etc... I see Him with sinners. I see Him with the poor. This is my God. He cares for the poor. If He didn't then I could not testify. He loves sinners and heals their wounds. I know this to be true. He calls His children; adopts them into His family and makes them disciples of all nations. His all sufficient, transforming grace makes all things new. He breathes hope and life into the emptiness. I love that about Him!
"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, that you through His poverty might become rich." 2 cor 8:9
I want to work with Him. The more I'm with Him the more I want to be with Him - at whatever cost. All that He requires His grace supplies. Yes, He is refining the call.
"Seek the LORD and His strength; seek His face evermore." ps 105:4